This month we’re “re-connecting.” I love the idea of re-connecting because to me it implies the relationship we seek to rekindle never went away.
Whatever it is we’re looking to re-connect to—another person, a sense of purpose, our self, nature, health, even another time—I’m willing to bet that what underpins it is a desire for a feeling. Because connection has a particular feeling, doesn’t it? It’s peaceful and carefree. There’s a sense of not having anywhere else to get to; a sense of “home.”
And that… well, that’s always there. Waiting for us to fall into. It’s part of being human and there’s really nothing extra we need to add, in order to experience it.
Let’s do an experiment. At the end of this paragraph, close your eyes and recall a moment when you did feel really connected. Visualise the scenario, then put words to some of the characteristics you felt. What sensations did you experience in that connected moment? Off you go, I’ll wait.
Welcome back! What did you come up with? When I do this exercise I get: creative, relaxed, purposeful, happy, loving and resourceful. You’ll have your own. Now tell me, where did those come from? Did you produce them yourself, or did they just surface? Did they require effort or was it the absence of something that had them appear?
That’s right. For you, me and everyone else, connection (and all its lovely properties) comes from within. It doesn’t come from what it is we’re doing, where we are or who we’re with. It comes from being present to what’s under our noses, instead of being lost in our busy minds.
It is the placing of our thoughts elsewhere—the past, the future; in judgment and expectation—that gets in the way of connection. It is thought that generates the illusion of separateness.
We shouldn’t blame ourselves for this, it’s innocent enough and we’re all doing what makes sense. So if we mistakenly believe that our good feelings (and bad) come from the things we do or have, where we are or who we’re with, then of course we’ll try and “fix” our circumstances in order to feel a particular way.
But it doesn’t work like that. “Stuff” and situations don’t hold meaning, or emotion – if they did, everyone would have the exact same experience of them as we do. (And our kids would never get bored of their toys!)
No, connection happens inside and it happens right now. For as long as we search outside of ourselves for a feeling, it will elude us.
So if you’re looking to re-connect with another person, a sense of purpose, your self, nature, health, or even another time, I’m suggesting that what you seek is a lot closer than you think.
Because connection starts with you.
Dr Giles P Croft
Healing • Coaching • Speaking